My kids often wander into my room and plonk down on my bed when they're feeling sad or troubled. Sometimes they will ask for a hug, otherwise they will just lie there and cuddle Rusty. I guess being in the same room with me brings them some form of comfort.
I find myself gravitating towards my parent's home whenever I feel sad or upset. While I don't plonk on my mum's bed, just being around her is comforting enough for me. We don't even have to talk, it's like everything is going to be ok when I'm with my mum.
Moving back to live with my parents after the divorce was one of the wisest moves in my life. They provided stability and comfort during the difficult period. I will forever be grateful for that.
So it is no surprise that I find myself driving all the way to my parent's place after Cookie's departure. I couldn't work all day yesterday. The thought of Cookie still brings tears to my eyes which are already swollen and puffy from all the crying. I'm emotionally drained. I went back there again this morning.
Some people may find my grieving over a dead pet too far-fetched but I can't help feeling this way. The images of him frolicking happily in the yard, rolling on the grassy fields, playing tag with Rusty, greeting me enthusiastically whenever I drive into the garage, hearing the sound of his wagging tail hitting my car door (whack, whack, whack), nudging my hand for a cuddle... just fill my mind.
It is impossible not to fall for his melancholic and frowny face. During our last walk together he gave me his saddest face when I stroked his head. That memory is etched so deeply in my mind, tears just roll down my face when I think of him.
I tell myself the grieving has to stop today. Life must go on. I've done so well today until now... when I am writing about him. This will be my last post about Cookie. Let this be an eulogy of some sort.
Yesterday I received an sms from ST. She is one of the fortunate few who had known Cookie for many years, when he was still a handsome and playful dog. Her message made me cry.
"Dear Ting, I am too shocked and too sad to learn about dear Cookie's departure....thot he was doing better and better after staying with you. Just last week, my husband and I mentioned about Cookie and how happy we are for his reunion with you guys....I feel his loss deeply becos since we met him at your farm years back, his stories with Rusty and things you wrote about him made him an old friend in many of our talks... Maybe this came too sudden cos most of the time, he was a carefree and happy dog in my mind. It's heartbreaking to see Rusty watching his good friend being taken away..."
Yes, heartbreaking indeed for those who knew and loved him. He may be a mongrel but he had touched our lives.