Tuesday, 26 June 2007

Mirror, mirror

While I was out for lunch today, 2 young ladies, engaged in animated conversation and joyous laughter caught my eye. What rapport and camaraderie they have!

Looking at them, I realize they were mirroring each other. When one waved her hand, the other followed suit. One brushed her hair, the other did the same. Their gestures were synchronizing so well, it’s not difficult to see why they’re such good friends.

According to relationship experts, nothing will bond you more effectively than mirroring someone's behaviour. It makes the person feel like they are looking at a subconscious mirror of themselves. People tend to trust other people who are like them and mistrust people who seem different. If someone is doing what we're doing, we feel they're on the same level as us and in the same mood as we are.

Wanna make someone feel you're "in sync" with them? Try mirroring to create that magic connection but do so with care, and be sincere about it.

Trying too hard to mirror someone may sometimes backfire. If you're using it as a "technique" to build rapport, chances are the person you're talking with will intuitively know that you are using a "technique" on them. They will also conclude you are not authentic, can't be trusted and are probably trying to manipulate them.

Good luck!

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I always smile when I see you smile. Does that count?

Blur Ting said...

Of course! But my mouth is bigger, so you smile twice as much!

Random Magus said...

Have you noticed how people who have been friends for long start to talk like each other... or when you spend a lot of time with someone you start acting and talking like them?

Blur Ting said...

In fact, couples who have been together for a long time look like each other too.

Another observation...dogs and their owners tend to look somewhat alike.

J@n!ce said...

Hi, yes I do agree that we tend to behave the same for friends or couple who are together for sometime :)

The Real Mother Hen said...

Oh CH is so SWEET! :) Ting you're lucky :)

David said...

I fell into the trap of using this "technique" back in high school. I had read a lot about NLP and tried various techniques. After a while I decided it didn't work. But as an observation it's dead on true, and once you get familiar with someone it's inevitable.

HollyGL said...

I used to work in Human Resources, and one of the things they would talk about was the effectiveness of mirroring the interviewer in job interviews. The thing is, like you said, it has to be really subtle because the interviewer will pick up on it if its too overt.

That said, I have tried it while being interviewed, and I swear it worked!

Blur Ting said...

Yes MH, indeed! :-)

David - Maybe it would have worked if you didn't hold that eye contact a little too long...

Holly - If you come across as being very sincere, I'm sure it'll work doubly well.