Even though I am surrounded by family and friends, there are times when I feel I'm leading a lonely existence. It becomes more apparent when I am at crossroads in my life.
Being self-employed, I miss having someone to bounce off ideas with. Whether it is making a decision like office relocation or negotiating a complicated deal, the future of the company lies squarely on my shoulders.
For somebody who was never given a chance to make any decisions while I was married, suddenly I am solely responsible for the lives of two kids. Did I choose the right school? Should we go on a holiday? Have I taught them well? Do I have enough to see them through tertiary education? I am faced with decisions, big or small, everyday.
As you can imagine, it has been a rather stressful week. While buying a big ticket item like a home is a joyful experience, the process of waiting for the bank's approval with bated breath can be quite suffocating. One bank rejected my application for a stupid reason which I shall not discuss here while the other encouraged me to take a smaller loan to enjoy a better interest rate.
So I began the process of scraping whatever I have together just so that I can make our little dream home a reality. At the back of my mind, I have my concerns, especially after reading reports of an imminent economic downturn and falling home prices.
Again, I have nobody to bounce off ideas with. It didn't help that the first thing I heard from my good friend when I told her about the purchase was, "Your business ok or not?" before she went on to talk about her upcoming California vacation. Or very reassuring to hear my colleague warn "Is this the right time or not? Don't forget you're a business owner, if business turns bad, your property can be at risk."
I'm trying to convince myself that at the price I've secured, it is still a very good buy. And that we've been through the ups and downs of this cyclical business before, we will ride out the recession.
Let's face it. Nobody's going to pat me on my shoulder and say "You've made the right decision" or help me get back on my feet if I have made the wrong one. It's not their life afterall.
I am so determined to forge ahead.