I had a row with YK in the car this morning which ended with me in tears. We haven't fought like this in a long long while. It started when we were listening to Chinese music. He asked about Taipei. I said, "Taipei is the capital of Taiwan. In fact, I will be going to Taipei next week."
Knowing how badly he's going to react to this, I had been trying to find the right opportunity to bring this up. See, I had promised him that I will avoid traveling this year because of his important year-end examinations.
His first reaction was, "How are we going to school?" I said, "I've asked my friend but she couldn't commit, so I'll call a taxi to come pick you guys. I hope the taxi will turn up but if it doesn't, then you'll have to miss school next Friday."
Now YK really hates to miss school and he shot back "But you said you're not traveling this year!" I became defensive and started raising my voice. Needless to say, I ended up shouting and he, scowling.
See, I wasn't the one who planned this trip. My UK partner, who's coming to Singapore next week, had wanted us to visit a vendor in Taiwan. I arranged a Friday meeting so that I could fly to Taiwan after dropping the kids off in school on Friday morning. Unfortunately, our vendor changed the meeting to Thursday.
In my anger, I told YK that it's just too bad that his mother is involved in international business. Unless he wants me to sell noodles in the hawker centre, otherwise he'll have to get used to the fact that I have to travel. I've already been very accommodating and understanding. Imagine if I were a salaried worker, I can't tell my boss that I'm unable to travel because I need to send my kids to school. I'll be fired.
I said, "FYI, this place I am going to is an industrial city."
He replied, "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because if you think that your mother loves to leave you all behind and go to some fancy city and is enjoying all this, then you're very wrong!"
That's when he got sarcastic, "Why don't you do all your traveling while I'm having my exams in October and November?" which drew another caustic remark from me, "So, why don't you put the blame on me if you don't do well in your exams?"
That's when I started crying which pissed him off and made him think I'm retarded.
Yes, I was feeling sorry for myself. I feel sorry that I have so many things going on at work during this period which is giving me sleepless nights. I feel sorry that I am a single mother who is trying so damn hard to balance my work with family. I feel sorry that we're living in a farm that is so remote, even taxis don't want to go there. I feel sorry that I've provided the kids with too much comfort that they have become too reliant on me. I feel sorry that I have to deal with the kid's anger and demands. I feel sorry that I'll have to attend another agency meeting in Shanghai this June and everyone has already booked their flight except me. I feel sorry that I have more traveling to do in future because of work. I just feel so sorry for myself. My life sucks!
To make matters worse, I am having PMS which means that things that normally roll off my back is now a big issue and I'm an emotional wreck. Now I regretted fighting with my son because I understand our priorities are totally different.
I know the day will only get better. We've been through this before. When I see him after school this afternoon, he's going to tell me "It's OK mom. You go to Taipei. We'll be fine."
Actually I feel better already, after venting about it in my blog.
Oh Blur! I know how those things go. Especially during PMS.... just the LITTLEST things can blow up. Kids understand...they really do...I think they probably go through PMS too! LOL....I am sure that he will say as you predict...don't feel bad about that...he knows you do what you do because it is a necessity...Hang in there!
I was that kid whose mother had to travel for her business and yeah it kinda always sucked. But in the bigger scheme of things, I'm sure the kids understand why you have to do what you have to do.
Here's wishing you that it will get better as they get older. :)
Yes, some kids go through PMS more often than other :-)
Hi Mooiness, it must have been really tough on your mom. So you must love her even more :-)
Awwww, this is so hard on you.
Well, I'll let them know that if they don't behave and let you go for your working trip, I'll be their nanny, in charge of their study 24x7, no food, no TV, no Rusty... I bet they will let you go immediately :)
Thank you MH! You're awesome. Hey, that sounds like the perfect plan! :-)
Ting, I know it doesn't look like it now, but when he is older, he will understand why you are doing what you are doing.
I went through many similar things when my daughter was younger, but now that she is older, she understands.
Don't blame PMS for your feelings. They are real and they show that you love him.
See, it's good having a blog to rant isn't it? :D
Kids will be kids and they'll end up understanding that what you're doing is really for them.
Glad you're all better now. Happy Easter to you BT.
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