Monday 20 September 2010

Letting go

Two of my girlfriends have been brought up by single mothers. Even though they are already in their 30s, their mums are still excessively protective over them.

One of them, B, is dying to move out to live on her own. Her mum thinks she's being rebellious and wants to hear nothing of it. My friend ends up feeling resentful and frustrated.

I often wonder if I would behave the same way if I had daughters. Perhaps with girls, it is tougher to loosen the apron strings. We don't want them to marry the wrong man and end up like us.

Single mothers may also worry about dating again. Some choose to remain single for life. With daughters in tow, there is always the fear of abusive or exploitive stepfathers. It's something we often read about in the papers.

In a way, I'm glad both my kids are boys. When I brought my niece out last month, I watched over her like a hawk. Suddenly every man in the street looked suspicious. I grabbed her hand tightly and warned her not to speak to strangers.

On one hand, I urge B to just do it. Over time, her mum will surely come to terms with the daughter's decision. I have done it in the past. My mum wasn't happy at first but got used to it soon. We're best friends now.

Yet, on the other hand, I feel a little sorry for her mum. After struggling for 30 years to raise her only child, she is back to being alone again. Still, she must learn to let go.


auntielucia said...

Blur, mayb suggest to yr friend to move to somewhere within the same estate or even the same block? That way, easier for the apron string to be cut, slowly.

Also, for her to set up a program to go out on a weekly basis with her mum?

I think most pple hate change, esp if u are not the one initiating it.

Of cos if yr fren is moving out becos of a relationship tt needs privacy, then some of my suggestions may not work, :D!

Blur Ting said...

Thanks Auntie Lucia. Well, the mum has a 3-room flat which has been unoccupied for 20+ years. They are all living atthe granny's, so we think it is best she furnish the flat and move in instead of leaving it empty. Even then, her mum doesn't allow!

ckl said...

It's hard for a mum to let go - my 14-year-old is constantly talking about going to England to study in two years time; I know it has been her dream for a long long time but secretly I am hoping that she will change her mind or that she doesn't get accepted by this university... So I can really understand how your friend's mum feel.

Blur Ting said...

CKL - I totally empathise with you. It takes a lot of courage for the child to go, and even more courage for a parent to let her go!

Now that YK is talking about learning to drive, I constantly find myself wondering how he would handle some difficult traffic situations that I come across daily. Can't help worrying.

Petunia Lee said...

It's hard to let go. Children take up so much time that when they fly the coop, it leaves an empty hole. I constantly guard myself and try to have engaging and time-consuming activities (like research)to suck up the emptiness. It makes it easier to let go.

Blur Ting said...

Petunia - I agree. Nowadays it is Rusty who fills the void. I will really feel the emptiness when he goes. Oh no.

Amel said...

Not a parent yet, so can't relate to the parenting thing, BUT I'm SO glad my Mom could let me go. She's always supportive of my decision as long as it makes sense. :-)))

k@Ye_ said...

Blur, i think best for your fren B to move out. A fren of mine also does that so tt she dun feel resentful towards her Mum n have personal space. She told me tt she really fought hard with her Mum over moving out.

Over time, her Mum came to terms with it. Now, she is back to living with her Mum as she has to take care of her.

Malar said...

Parents with baby girl are always over-protective!
Anyway girl or boy, parents always reluctunt to believe or face the truth that kids have grown up! ;-)

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