Midlife crisis

How quickly time flies. It's Friday already and today's rather special because we're celebrating CH's birthday.

We used to take the day off in the past to spend time together but I didn't plan anything this year. Sad to say, my friend was right when she said, "When XX and I were still dating, we traveled the world together. After marriage, we only go on supermarket dates."

I'm not sure about the birthday boy but I have a valid excuse. My colleague is on leave, so I can't go gallivanting around when there is work to be done.

Work is kind of humming along slowly. Maybe too slowly. Best friend called me up yesterday sounding rather exasperated, "I woke up at 2am last night and realised that I need to do something with my life. We need to sit down and brainstorm for new ideas that will help us make money more easily. I don't want to be stuck in this job for the rest of my life!"

"But...but...your job pays you so well!" I exclaimed.

Of course I don't understand anything about office politics and all that, but I put it down to a serious case of mid-life crisis. While I don't have sleepless nights like her, I'm keen on exploring new ventures. The world is changing so quickly, surely we must move with the times. Teenage girls are making millions selling clothes on their blogs, we don't want to be left behind.

So, the date has been set. If you happen to stumble upon two middle aged women whiling away time in a secret cafe tucked away in the woods on a weekday afternoon... please leave us alone. We're not idling, we're brainstorming.

Teochew porridge dinner

During dinner last night, YK made a request. "Can we have porridge for dinner tomorrow? Not the gooey kind but the watery one with grains of rice? And I want all the side dishes like pickled lettuce, fish with black beans etc"

Oh, Teochew porridge. Consider it done!

Watery porridge is great for hot days like this. I cooked the porridge earlier so that it's lukewarm by dinner time. I'll be cooking braised pork with dried beancurd (tau kee), chye poh (salted radish) omelette, pan fried fish and stir fried cabbage. Of course we'll have small servings of pickled lettuce, spicy szechuan vegetables and salty dace with black beans straight from the can.

A salty dinner like this can only happen once in a blue moon.

Singapore Garden Festival

I was back at the Garden Festival early this morning. Not that I'm such a die-hard fan but I was at Suntec City for a meeting anyway, no harm stopping by to ogle at beautiful flowers in between work. As we all know, parking is horrendous there, I wouldn't venture there unnecessarily. I almost couldn't find my car in the cavernous carpark yesterday, I actually wrote down the parking lot number this morning! You can read about the Garden Festival at my gardening blog.

Busy day

It's been a busy day. In between work and deliveries, I stopped by the Singapore Garden Festival, visited a friend at TTS Hospital, had lunch with CH, brought mum to Singapore General Hospital and rushed home to prepare dinner.

My colourful coleus plant was picked by NParks to be exhibited as a 'potted beauty' at the Garden Festival. In return, I was given 2 pairs of tickets to the show and a gardening book (1001 Garden Plants in Singapore).

Incidentally the primary school that I volunteer for also won a bronze medal for their school garden. The teachers are so pleased, they will use the prize money to buy treats for the kids. Much to my embarrasment, I am now known as their garden angel.

The show opens tomorrow and the organiser has pulled out all the stops to make this show a stunning one. Unfortunately I didn't venture to the area that features award winning works of art from landscape and fantasy gardens to floral displays. I will be returning to admire the designer gardens. Meanwhile, here's a sneak preview of some of exhibits.

After the quick stop at the exhibition, I went over to see our friend Yvonne who underwent brain surgery yesterday. It was good to see her in good spirits. This is her second surgery and I hope it will be the last one. She's only 32 and what I really want is to see her partying and having fun instead of lying in the hospital bed worrying about brain tumours.

I was in another hospital later in the afternoon. This time I brought mum for her annual checkup. The MRI scan showed that her brain tumour had shrunk but revealed another small one that had gone undetected all this while.

"Nothing to worry about. It's small and hasn't grown any bigger since last year". The doctor was rather nonchalant about it.

Even mum was surprising calm. "No wonder I've been having these headaches...but I'll just have to live with it. I'm already so old."

I, on the other hand, was nonplussed. How can it go undetected after so many MRI scans? (Doc says they had been focusing on one area all this time, not the entire head) How will it affect my mum? (Doc says it is too small to cause any ill effects). What should we do now? (Nothing. Schedule another MRI scan in a year's time).

I am beginning to wonder if many of us are walking around with tumours in our brain without even knowing it.

Dog's gone

Guess what? Doggie has found her owner!

While we were walking around distributing posters, a young man told us he saw some posters of this same dog nearby. We called the owner up and sent the dog back to where she belongs.

Here's Rocket, the shar-pei that refuses to walk. I had to lug her around like a baby. Boy, she's alot heavier than Rusty and she grunts like a piglet. She's so adorable. I'm glad she's back home now.

Lost dog. Not another one!

YK called me excitedly, "I found a lost dog near the MRT station. Should I bring her home?"

What can I say? He carried her home. She's now in my patio. I'm in the office making posters. Meanwhile, Rusty must stay away from her or we're going to end up with baby shar-pei rascals.

Isn't she cute? She's slightly bigger than Rusty, exactly the same colour as Cookie. She was found near Tanah Merah MRT station, along the walkway between East Meadow Condo and Casa Merah Condo. If you know the owner, please email me immediately.

Acquired taste

Ten years ago, when I was pitching to my clients about how the Internet will transform their lives, I was personally not convinced that I will end up reading news and stories from my computer screen one day. For research and gathering information maybe, but it will certainly not replace the good old newsprint.

Well, I'll have to eat up my words now because I turn to the Web for the latest news even though I still read the newspaper daily. When I'm in need of recipes, I google instead of flipping through my collection of cookbooks. These days, instead of picking up a novel when I'm bored, I click on my favourite blogs. I don't listen to music anymore, I watch music videos on YouTube instead.

Sure, I still buy magazines and books but these are reserved for reading in the toilet and in bed. You can't expect me to lug my laptop into the loo do you?

I pick restaurants based on good online reviews. Choosing from a mind-boggling array of cameras, laptops or gadgets becomes easier with online recommendations. Vacations and banking are now just a click away.

Some blogs can be quite influential too. I rushed out to buy my first box of Alphonso Mangoes after someone raved about it. Then yesterday, I cooked petai beans (stinky beans) for the first time after reading about it in the same blog. Needless to say, nobody at home ate the awful beans except me.

It's an acquired taste you see. I had to eat the whole lot up because I was the one who read the blog, not them.

Thoughts on a Monday

I'm wearing peasant shoes that I had chanced upon at the weekend market. A middle-aged Chinese immigrant was selling them for a song (US$10 for 2 pairs). These are updated versions of the traditional cloth shoes worn by Chinese peasants. I think they go very well with the Gap black-tee and grey bubble skirt that I'm wearing today. I like weekend markets because you never know what you can find.

If the same pair of shoes were to land on the shelves of a big department stall, I would have to fork out 10x as much. The best thing is, these cloth shoes are 10x more comfortable that the designer shoes that I own.

These few days, my mind has been preoccupied with entreprising thoughts. I go through such phases all the time but I think I have lost some fire in my belly. Or maybe I've learned to be more practical now. I look at new ideas from many different angles and then toss them into the bin. I am no longer all excited or energised when I think of something new. I wonder if it is a good thing...

While strolling along Ann Siang Hill after dinner last Friday, we discovered many new interesting concept shops. It is fast becoming a hub for everything that is not characteristically mainstream, from books to furniture and toys.

The stores are so hip and highly conceptualised, they are such a joy to wander around in but how many of them actually make money, I wonder? One shop sells little simple toys that we played as kids, with a little cafe selling coffee and pastries at the side. Save for the owners, most of the shops were empty when we visited. These young owners must have sunk in their life savings to realise their dreams. With their high operating cost, I worry about how they can sustain their dreams.

We were once young and idealistic like that. We were a design firm afterall and were more concerned about building our image and portfolio than anything else. Even when things were shaky, we still refused to bite the bullet, hoping that our passion and energy could see us through. Ah, those were the days.

Bodhi's new home

After one week, Bodhi is slowly getting used to living at the farm. He ran up to greet me when I drove in and for the first time, he kept nuzzling my hand voluntarily. He was a little wet and muddy from romping around after the rain. From the looks of it, he's really happy here.

To my surprise, my friend Evelyn (who used to feed him at the open field) arrived soonafter, bringing a large bag of treats. Bodhi quickly gobbled down his favourite food, making Evelyn really happy. She missed him so much.

It's her first time here and she thinks it is the perfect place for the doggie. I think so too.

Yam. Yum!

This is steamed yam. It's my lunch. I love yam, cooked any way. It doesn't cost alot to keep me alive. I can eat yam everyday.

:-)

Look, I am smiling again! I took this photo to check if my face is ok for the camera. The people from Appetite Magazine will be arriving to do a feature on my garden. It was supposed to be done on Tuesday but I chose to postpone it due to Cookie's departure. So I guess I am ready now. Besides, it is not polite to keep the magazine people waiting.

Looks like I'm not the only one smiling. CH went for his company gathering last night and returned home with a nice photo of Kay (his ex-colleague's daughter) and him.

Rebirth

Something strange happened this morning. When Rusty and I got into the elevator after his walk at 6.30am, a beautiful brown atlas moth flew by and followed us into the lift. It's my first time seeing one in our development. It fluttered around us rather clumsily. I uttered, "Cookie, is that you?"

We got out when the lift door opened while the moth remained inside. I brought Rusty into the house and quickly ran outside again. I had to get the moth out or someone might just smack it to death. The door opened and I guided it out. It flew away into the morning light.

I know most people don't believe in such things but I see it as a sign of rebirth.

The other dogs

Life is finally (almost) back to normal. Now I can think of Cookie and smile at how sweet and adorable he was. I told the kids that we keep clinging to memories of the young and playful Cookie, we had forgotten how frail he had become in the recent months. So, he is indeed in a better place now.

Thanks everyone for the kind words. I have replied to each and everyone of you but for some reason, the comments are not showing. Maybe Cookie has eaten them all :-)

The last 2 days have been preoccupied with the other dog Bodhi as well. He was settling in nicely at the farm when we left on Sunday night. Then he broke free from his leash the next morning. Our other small dog Harry suddenly became very territorial and chased Bodhi all the way to the furthest corner of our farm, into the thick overgrowth by the reservoir. Then he stayed around to make sure Bodhi remained in there.

Naturally everyone (my parents and the other Bodhi lovers Vikki and Evelyn) were very worried. Our workers cleared a path and went in search of Bodhi. I kept calling out his name but to no avail. I think he must have been terrified. I left my parent's house feeling very dejected. It was my duty to inform the others.

Vikki rushed there after work that very night. It was already dark when he arrived at 9.30pm. After some time, Bodhi finally surfaced. What a relief! At least Vikki could sleep well at night.

I went back again on Tuesday morning to check on Bodhi. According to my parents, he likes being in the farm, amongst the orchid plants instead of living at our home. He's probably used to the open environment that he grew up in. He's now under the care of our farm worker who is tasked to feed him daily. As long as Bodhi's happy and well fed, we'll just let him be.

As for Harry, he is currently being leashed up so that he will not bully Bodhi again. It's funny when you think about it. Bodhi is at least 5 times bigger than him. He's just another Napoleon like Rusty. These small dogs!

Oh, I almost forgot to talk about Rusty. He's fine and doesn't seem affected by the loss of his good friend. He's honing his rat catching skills at this moment. He catches a small one in the open field each night. Then he pees over the lifeless rat and struts off like a stud. This just freaks me out!

The little mongrel

My kids often wander into my room and plonk down on my bed when they're feeling sad or troubled. Sometimes they will ask for a hug, otherwise they will just lie there and cuddle Rusty. I guess being in the same room with me brings them some form of comfort.

I find myself gravitating towards my parent's home whenever I feel sad or upset. While I don't plonk on my mum's bed, just being around her is comforting enough for me. We don't even have to talk, it's like everything is going to be ok when I'm with my mum.

Moving back to live with my parents after the divorce was one of the wisest moves in my life. They provided stability and comfort during the difficult period. I will forever be grateful for that.

So it is no surprise that I find myself driving all the way to my parent's place after Cookie's departure. I couldn't work all day yesterday. The thought of Cookie still brings tears to my eyes which are already swollen and puffy from all the crying. I'm emotionally drained. I went back there again this morning.

Some people may find my grieving over a dead pet too far-fetched but I can't help feeling this way. The images of him frolicking happily in the yard, rolling on the grassy fields, playing tag with Rusty, greeting me enthusiastically whenever I drive into the garage, hearing the sound of his wagging tail hitting my car door (whack, whack, whack), nudging my hand for a cuddle... just fill my mind.

It is impossible not to fall for his melancholic and frowny face. During our last walk together he gave me his saddest face when I stroked his head. That memory is etched so deeply in my mind, tears just roll down my face when I think of him.

I tell myself the grieving has to stop today. Life must go on. I've done so well today until now... when I am writing about him. This will be my last post about Cookie. Let this be an eulogy of some sort.

Yesterday I received an sms from ST. She is one of the fortunate few who had known Cookie for many years, when he was still a handsome and playful dog. Her message made me cry.

"Dear Ting, I am too shocked and too sad to learn about dear Cookie's departure....thot he was doing better and better after staying with you. Just last week, my husband and I mentioned about Cookie and how happy we are for his reunion with you guys....I feel his loss deeply becos since we met him at your farm years back, his stories with Rusty and things you wrote about him made him an old friend in many of our talks... Maybe this came too sudden cos most of the time, he was a carefree and happy dog in my mind. It's heartbreaking to see Rusty watching his good friend being taken away..."

Yes, heartbreaking indeed for those who knew and loved him. He may be a mongrel but he had touched our lives.

Gone forever

I never knew Cookie's death could make me so so sad. We've had many dogs before him but none had affected me this much. Maybe it was because I was the one who brought him home 7 years ago. It was my responsibility to give him a good life.

While he wasn't as privileged as Rusty, he lead a very happy life at the farm until he developed severe skin problems recently. When he moved into my apartment, he settled in quickly and found his favourite corner in the patio.

He was recovering nicely. He had a healthy appetite and was beginning to enjoy his daily walks. Suddenly, he started refusing food over the weekend. He didn't look like he was in any pain. His body felt a little warm but he was always warmer than Rusty, so I didn't think it was anything unusual.

Last night, I brought him out for his last walk, a short one. He wasn't very active. While he rested, I stroked his head and spoke to him softly. His eyes looked a little teary.

"Are you ok Cookie? We'll go to the vet first thing in the morning ok?"

I led him slowly to his bed and that was the last time I saw him alive.

When I brought him food at 7.30am this morning, I was happy to see him lying just outside our balcony door. I thought he was feeling better and had decided to crawl out of his cubby hole. But he didn't stir when I called out his name, I burst into sobs. My poor Cookie died while we were all asleep.

My neighbour Evelyn called me on the phone. "Is Cookie ok? He's not moving." It has become a habit for her to look out for Cookie from her balcony above.

I couldn't accept his death. He died under my care and I couldn't help feeling guilty. Was the chemical bath too toxic for him? Was he running a fever? I should have brought him to the hospital yesterday. Why didn't I see the signs earlier?

Last night I had borrowed Cookie's collar and leash to use on Bodhi. I was planning to buy a new set for Cookie today. It breaks my heart that this will never happen.

Then mum called to say Bodhi broke free from his leash this morning. He sprinted into the thick undergrowth by the reservoir and refused to come out. Two bad news in one morning! I had to deal with Cookie's stiff body first. The pet cremator was summoned over.

They were professional and efficient. While they were packing Cookie up, Rusty suddenly ran over and sniffed at his best friend for the last time.

He looked so sad and was reluctant to see Cookie go. I had to carry Rusty in my arms to comfort him.

After they were gone, I knew there was someone else I had to call - Dr Bryan who treated Cookie just weeks before. He had a soft spot for Cookie. He was so shocked and sad to receive my call. After describing Cookie's symptoms to him, he suspected that Cookie could have died from pneumonia.

I had to ask if Cookie died a painful death. He said, "He could have had difficulty breathing right at the very end..."

Rest in Peace Cookie. May you continue to run free in doggie heaven. A place that is free from mites, ticks and illness. We will miss you forever.

RIP my dear Cookie

Today is the saddest day of my life. Cookie is dead. I am devastated. Why? How?
I am now waiting for pet taxi to bring him for cremation. This is too sad.

Operation Bodhi

Best friend called to deliver the bad news yesterday. They can't take in another dog. Their hands are quite full with two big dogs they had adopted from SPCA over the years. I can't say I'm not disappointed but I have no more time to waste.

Operation Bodhi kicked in right away. After a flurry of phone calls, our neighbours agreed to capture him and send him to my parent's farm today. We met at the usual place at 6pm. Evelyn was tasked to give Bodhi an early dinner while Vikki waited in his car with collar and leash.

The old couple with 2 Golden retrievers also wanted to be a part of the action. They rushed home to bring us a huge bag of premium dog food. Everyone loves Bodhi so much!

Bodhi seemed more alert and wary than usual. It took us a while to coax him near Vikki's car. Finally, Vikki shoved him in gently. That was when Evelyn started to cry. This time Bodhi was leaving for good, she just couldn't bear to see her 'baby' go.

Of course she's always welcome to go visit Bodhi at the farm but really, it's not just a hop and a skip away. With Vikki following behind my car, the 35-minute drive seemed like forever today.

Bodhi was so nervous when we reached the farm, he refused to get out of the car. Little by little, Vikki managed to move him to the front porch. He'll stay leashed up for a couple of days as it is too easy for him to escape at the farm. We need to familiarise him with his new home first.

He's used to sleeping out in the open field, under the stars. It was no surprise that he settled in on my parent's vegetable patch instead of the tiled porch. Within 30 minutes, the entire patch of basil, wild ginseng and Indian borage was totally flattened by the big doggie.

My parents are so magnanimous, they didn't mind one bit. Mum simply shrugged it off, saying that she can grow another patch elsewhere. Dad tried to feed him dinner despite being told that Bodhi had already been fed earlier. I guess it is just his way of welcoming our new pet.

SK spent an entire evening outside, keeping Bodhi company. Bodhi kept his distance at first but was soon won over by SK's love for dogs.

By the end of the evening, Bodhi was no longer nervous. Before we left, he was already playing happily with Harry. I couldn't help but call up Evelyn and Vikki to share the good news.

Harry and Bodhi - so happy together!

4th of July Celebration

Last night, we were at the 4th of July celebration hosted by the American Association of Singapore. After a day of rain, the grounds at Terror Club Sports Complex were wet and muddy, but that didn't seem to dampen anyone's spirits. Security was tight. Everyone's bags were checked at the entrance. Many came in the celebration colours. Everyone was there for a good time.

My friend Yvonne (below) works for one of sponsors of the event. Despite her invitations over the past 5 years, I was there for the first time. Obviously she's glad I finally made an appearance!

The fireworks were awesome. They were so low, I felt that I could reach out and touch the scintillating sparks!

There were plenty of stalls selling American food, mostly burgers and hotdogs (duh!).

They were selling beer by the jug too! I was so amused by the sight of people walking around guzzling a pitcher of beer. And then CH appeared with a jug in his hand. Geez!

Spreading the beer around. Good on ya!

There were lots of happy people around us, eating and listening to the live bands.


I was so in love with my friend's baby!


Me, Sharon and Yvonne.

New dog at the farm

My life seems to revolve around dogs. Lost dogs, stray dogs, sick dogs, recuperating dogs...you name it, I've seen them all.

Today I'll talk about this new dog that strolled into our farm and stayed behind. Obviously someone had left the dog outside our gate. Initially we thought it was our tenant's. Then we realised it has been abandoned.

Whatever it is, the dog is now under my parent's care. They got him a licence too. My nieces name him Harry. He's really happy here. I heard he's a good watchdog. He barks at strangers and alerts my mum when someone's at the door.

Yet, when I sit next to him, he immediately turns over to be belly rubbed. You would know that he was once loved and pampered. I just wonder why the owner decided to give him up.

We've asked around the neighbourhood. Nobody has seen him before. He can't be a lost dog because our farm is very far away from the nearest residential estate.

Recently our worker saw a man speeding off after letting two dogs out of his car. The poor dogs ran after the car when they realised they were being left behind. It's really sad. How many dumped dogs can the farms take in?

Perhaps the previous owner has no other solution and thinks it is more humane than putting the dogs to sleep. Then why have them in the first place?

If you think it is wrong to abandon your child in the streets, then you should never dump your dog. Nor should you deny your pet of medical treatment when it is sick. It didn't ask to be your pet. It could have found a better home if not for you. It's life is in your hands.

Pine mouth

I like all kinds of nuts and seeds. My kids think I'm nuts because they find nuts disgusting.

Pine nuts must be one of my favourites. I eat them raw, straight off the pack, without toasting or making a pesto sauce or anything. They're tiny, but packed with nutrition. And they're delicious. Even Rusty likes them.

While googling about pine nuts one day, I chanced upon many posts about a weird side effect of eating pine nuts. Here's what I've pulled out from Wiki:

"A small minority of pine nuts can cause taste disturbances, developing 1–3 days after consumption and lasting for days or weeks. Though very unpleasant, there are no lasting effects. This phenomenon was first described in a scientific paper in 2001. Some publications have made reference to this phenomenon as "pine mouth".This is a relatively new phenomenon and appears to be most common in nuts coming from China. It has been theorized that the nut trees are absorbing something and passing it on to the nuts, or the nuts themselves are being treated with something before packaging. It is also possible that the nuts have spoiled and are rancid, causing the metallic taste disturbance. Also, it has been hypothesized that this bitter side effect is caused by an allergy that some people may have to pine nuts, but this does not explain the recent appearance of this syndrome. Metallic taste disturbance, known as metallogeusia, is reported 1–3 days after ingestion, being worse on day 2 and lasting for up to 2 weeks. Cases were self-limited and resolve without treatment.^"

At first I pooh-poohed this theory. What rubbish! But there are hundreds of threads on the Internet about this. Then it happened to me one day. I experienced the strangest sensation in my mouth. For many days, everything I ate tasted sourish and bitter. I lost my appetite and suspected it was the pack of pine nuts from Mustafa Supermarket. The nuts were from China. I threw the entire pack away.

I usually buy the organic ones from USA. When I came across the ones in Mustafa, I bought without checking the country of origin.

After that incident, I bought my next pack from the organic stall. I checked the expiry date and country of origin (USA) before paying. Last week, I ate a small handful. When my mouth felt a little strange 2 days later, I had reason to suspect the nuts.

I decided to try again two nights ago. This time I ate more. True enough, today I am experiencing that same bile taste in my mouth again. Everything tastes so weird now, even my saliva tastes funny.

It seems that both the China and USA imports are capable of causing taste disturbances. Don't tell me I have to give up pine nuts forever!