We met up with two consultants at the hospital yesterday and today. The scan result shows a 2cm benign tumour growing in mum’s head. Her file is now handed over to the neurosurgeon who will see her end of August. Initial discussions with the consultants seem to veer towards radiotherapy treatment but we've yet to see what the brain doctor recommends.
Meanwhile mum is putting a brave front. She’s resilient in many ways but I know she’s losing sleep and a lot of weight. She’s also displaying a whole range of emotions which is understandable.
She’s disappointed that the specialist she consulted three years ago about her hearing problem simply told her it was due to old age and did not perform any tests or scans. She’s filled with regrets like “I should have sought a second opinion earlier” and sometimes anger “It must be due to my job….the way the customers are stressing me out all day!” or
Guilt - “I don’t want to bother you or your brothers to bring me to the hospital all the time.”
Self pity - “It’s ok to die as long as my children and grandkids are around me.”
Doubt -“I wonder if your father and brothers care about me at all.”
Frustration - “If only we lived nearer to town, I would be able to get around and seek treatment earlier.”
Self consolation -“I want to get it (treatment) done and over with.”
Discomfort -“I’m feeling so unwell and sick.”
Whiny - “Why do we have to wait so long to see the doctor?”
Fear - "What are the risks involved?"
Hope - "Maybe the headache and dizziness will go away once and for all."
Of course we all care for her. She knows that too. Well, for now, all I hope for is to see her well again.