It suddenly occured to me that I haven't really partied or let my hair down for so long now. I can understand that for the longest time, there was marriage, the kids, divorce and moving on etc getting in the way but nothing's stopping me now.
I cancelled a tea party this afternoon simply because I didn't feel like going and denied an invitation to dinner with some friends because I didn't want mum to be disappointed if we don't turn up tonight. So who's to blame? Nobody else but me. I think I'm too practical and responsible, sometimes to the point of being uptight. Yet, why do I feel a tinge of envy when I see people having a blast without me.
Even on my outings, I'm always in a hurry to go home like Cinderella, not that I have a curfew or I'm shackled to duties and demanding kids at home. Funny thing is I am only carefree when I'm away from home.
I remember carefree days spent cruising around on a motorbike in the countryside, bar flying in San Francisco, winter nights by the fireside, tasting wine and bruschettas in Florence, riding through vineyards in France, sunbathing on sandy beaches, spa baths in Mendocino and sipping pina colada by the pool in Las Vegas.
When I'm back home, I turn into a no-nonsense mother and businesswoman. I want to be that perfect person. I try to be there for everyone and I forget to let my hair down.
Maybe next week, when I'm traveling in Hamburg and UK, I can live a little again. Just for that week.