Outburst. Something I grew quite familiar with. Nobody likes an outburst. It was my ex, you see. Terrible outburst followed by apology. Unfortunately it stops working after a while. Too late. The damage has been done. It cannot be undone.
I had an outburst of some sort last week. Nothing to do with the ex. Don't be mistaken, I didn't scream at anybody. After running around like a headless chicken in the hot weather, I felt angry and taken for granted. I tried so hard to suppress the urge to vent. I picked up my phone, created an sms and deleted it immediately.
I know that words, once spoken, can never be taken back. So I held my tongue. Back at the office, I received an email that made my blood boil again, the same emotions that I had been struggling to squelch all morning. Within seconds, I had hammered out an email.
This time, I hit the 'send' button before my courage fails me again. I regretted it immediately yet it was the only way I knew how to put my feelings across. I am totally non-confrontational. At my worst, I'm passive-aggressive. That is how CH would describe me when I ignore him for days. I am also not bossy. If anything, I find myself getting bossed around, and hating myself for it.
Sometimes the advent of technology can be a blessing. For people like us, it provides other avenues to get our message across.
The apology came a while later. She said she should have been more sensitive. Then I felt like such a whiner (not a winner). I had over reacted. Now I feel a little awkward and worry that things may never be the same again. For better or for worse, who knows?