Thursday, 3 September 2009

We can't choose our parents

You can choose your friends and partners but one thing you can't choose is your parents. I'm blessed with the best parents in the world. They provide support in the background without interfering with my life in any way. Sometimes I take this for granted.

My kids are lucky that I'm pretty much like my parents. In fact, my friends are often surprised at how my kids would come up and confess voluntarily for misdeeds they have done. It is no surprise that some of their friends wish I could adopt them as god-children!

I am a strong believer in harmony within the family. If everyone in the home cannot get along with each other, everything is thrown out of balance. Imagine the world outside is already a rough and competitive place, the last thing we need is more stress at home.

Unfortunately, as the Chinese proverb goes "jia jia you ben nan nian de jing" which means "every household has a mantra that is challenging to recite", we can't expect harmony in every home.

A dear friend of mine is under alot of pressure because of a demanding mother. I've met her mum many times and found her to be a nice lady but when it comes to human relationship, we often see personality clashes. My friend is already facing a lot of challenges at work. Instead of providing support and encouragement, her mum shoots her down with criticisms and unreasonal demands.

In my opinion, she's very lucky that her daughter is very filial and accommodating. My friend is the kind who goes to great lenghts to please her mum and give her a cushy life after her dad passed away. Yet the emotional blackmail that she is often threatened with makes her guilt ridden and miserable all the time. It's a really distressing situation yet as an outsider, I can only watch helplessly.

In her case, her mum is taking her for granted. As a parent, you can tell your child off but as a child, especially a filial one, what do you say to your parent?

9 comments:

The Real Mother Hen said...

Family affairs - sigh! :()

Fresh Fry aka 福星 said...

i may sound cold, but i see it as part of Life's Test to hone your frd's character.

the family battleground is the hardest indeed.....

huier said...

Perhaps your friend's mom is going through menopause stage? It can last for several yrs so I heard. Whatever the cause maybe, we as children could only keep our cool and avoid confrontations esp when we know there will be no win-win solutions in situations like this. Lending a listening ear maybe the best that we as friends could offer.

petunialee said...

Ignore emotional blackmail... and only respond when the parent starts to behave in a civilized manner. It works quite well if one stays calm (or looks calm... hee!).

Blur Ting said...

MH - Family affairs are the hardest to manage cos you can't really escape from them.

Blur Ting said...

Fry - My friend's character has been tested over and over again. She has learned to cope very well actually, it's quite admirable.

Blur Ting said...

Huier - No lah, she is way past that stage. Just that my friend used to work overseas and didn't have to be around the mum so much. After her dad passed away, she brought her mum to live with her and realise that her dad had been a saint for so long!

Blur Ting said...

Petunia - That should work but staying calm is the hardest part. I find it very very hard to stay calm when the other person is screaming away!!

auntielucia said...

Blur, I think yr friend shld just enjoy the fact that she has her mum with her still. Many pple aren;t as fortunate! Thinking that way will make the bad patches easier to bear. Also, better to have allowed one's parent vent his/her spleen on one than live with the regret when they are gone, thinking mayb we shld have treated them better or paid more attention!