Thursday 17 January 2008

Not a shrinking violet

Yes, I have been moaning about my wrinkles, but looking back, I realize that self confidence grows with age.

I remember when I was a fresh-faced girl of 19, I started going out with a slightly older guy who worked in a car magazine. While he was a worldly and well-traveled yuppie, I was fresh out of school, completely new to the world.

For a start, his lifestyle was completely out-of-sync with mine. Being the adventurous type, his weekends were spent motor-crossing or scuba diving in the unspoilt waters of the lesser known islands.

One weekend, he invited me for a weekend of snorkeling in a small Malaysian island. We crammed into his friend’s car and braced ourselves for a long journey (about 3 hours on the road and another few hours on a bumboat) to the tropical paradise.

Along the way, the guys were chatting merrily about their diving adventures. They spoke with such wisdom, in good English with a hint of accent like they had been educated overseas, I was in awe (and dumbstruck).

Thinking that there was no way I could participate (or contribute intelligently) in the lively conversation, and afraid they would ask me to share my stories or views, I pretended to sleep. Have you ever tried pretending to sleep for hours when you’re wide awake? I forced my eyes shut and eavesdropped on their conversation. I even heard someone saying “How can she sleep so much?” My God. That was the most agonizing 3 hours of 'sleep'!

At the island, instead of frolicking in the azure blue sea and having the time of my life, I was worried if I had brought the right outfits or showed too much skin. Was my swimsuit too skimpy? Did I say the right things or eat too much? I was miserable and felt so alone. My personality must have been as charming as the big boulders on the white sandy beach.

Of course, looking back, nobody looked down on me or treated me any differently. They were just a bunch of regular guys out to enjoy a weekend. They were being themselves whilst I was not. I was the one with the issues, not them.

Fast forward… if we were thrown together again today, I'll surely regale and trade silly stories like there's no tomorrow... just like a wise old woman!


Anonymous said...

like fine wine blur just gets better with age!

mooiness said...

Confidence comes with age, and some ppl are lucky to get it earlier. I've always wondered what it would have been like in all those awkward social situations back when I was a kid, if only I had the confidence that I have now?

That would have been awesome. :)

Blur Ting said...

Thanks JY. You always have something nice to say :-)

Mooiness- You would have been a party animal cum lady killer!

Amel said...

HE HE HE HE're right about that!!! :-)))) When I was in my teenage years, it was SO hard for me to feel pretty and to love myself...especially since I wasn't considered "pretty and tallish/slim" according to Indonesia's beauty standards he he he he...

But nowadays I couldn't care less about standards. Of course sometimes there are bad days, but these days most of the times the days are GOOD, GREAT, FABULOUS, FANTASTIC he he he he he he..

SOUL said...

sure is funny how much people change over time isn't it. seems i went from the outgoing , can't stop me kinda person, to a hideaway sloth-- but that's alright. i spose maybe it's a choice-- and someday i may choose a different route. maybe.

have a great day blur--

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, Blur. That reminds me of a guy I dated when I was around that age. He was 9 years older than me, and I remembered him making a comment once about an old girlfriend who complained all the time. Well, we went to the Bahamas for a few days, and - having flown there myself - I "made the crossing" back to Florida with him in his ski boat.

About half way there, we hit a nasty thunderstorm. No land to be found - oh, it was terrifying. ...but I didn't say ONE WORD. Just sat there - not complaining... :)

Blur Ting said...

Amel - I always felt so ugly when I was a teenager. I hated everything about my face and body.

Soul - You're still the life and soul of the blogging party! You go girl!

Blur Ting said...

Holly - OMG! So you can totally understand how I felt.

Funny that you mentioned the ski boat. This may sound so corny but during that trip with the yuppie, we were in a wooden bumboat and we got caught in very stormy waters enroute to the island. The tides were several feet high.

When we reached the island, he told us that we could have perished in the angry sea. He didn't want to alarm us while we were on the boat and tried to keep our spirits up by making us enjoy the thrilling roller coaster ride. Thank god we survived!

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